Chasing The Needle

“Your quest for perfection is throwing your balance.”  Sean Tyrrell, Victoria Flying Club Instructor and Resident Wise Man

With my flight test quickly approaching, most days I feel as if I am approaching my flight training with new found confidence – until I accidentally find myself stepping on the crack in the ice.  It’s a fine line between brilliance and crazy.

I am reminded of my return to flight training after an extended period away.  Let's just say I have a lot of hours in my log book because I had to redo the entire syllabus.  And I think back to a beautiful autumn day last year, when the man sitting beside me in the cockpit of Victor November Uniform had no idea what he was saying or who he was saying it to when he tapped on the altimeter and said: “You’re chasing the needle.  You’re forgetting that there’s a little bit of a lag in the instruments – you’re actually ahead of it.”

As I harshly admonished myself mentally for not only my inability to keep the needle on the line but also now for chasing said needle.  I replied: “I think my next blog is going to be called “Shake It Off Baby!”

“You should call it 'Chasing the Needle'.  Your quest for perfection is throwing your balance.”

HELLO!  Is there an oracle in the cockpit?  I can’t remember if I said it out loud but I meant to say: “That was really profound man!”

In aviation chasing the needle is considered to be an amateurish tendency to over-correct as inexperienced pilots struggle to find the right-perfect spot.  It can be really quite dangerous and can result in botched approaches or other issues in the air.

Perfect is the enemy of good enough; insisting on perfection often results in no improvement at all.

There’s perfect and then there’s good enough. There’s chasing the needle in an airplane and then there’s doing it on the ground.  The trap is that for some of us if the needle isn’t bang-on then what does that mean?

Sometimes I see myself as the poster child for Human Factors.  I can run down the list and say: “Me, me, also me.” 

Sometimes I even think that as a self-employed single parent maybe taking flying lessons wasn’t the brightest idea.  I literally flew through my divorce.  Looking back it may not have been the best time to take up a new hobby but the tricky part is that I love flying.  I am never more grounded as when I am flying.  I love that I have to be fully present, fully aware, and right in my body.

In my light moments I would say that flying saved me.

In my darker moments the needle points to insane.

Along with pretty much everyone else in the modern world, I have a pretty stressful job.  I work with legal professionals in different jurisdictions across North America.  I often work in different time zones and can sometimes work around the clock.  Because I own my own business if I don’t work my kids don’t eat.  And sometimes my kids like to eat so there can be a bit of financial pressure.

One of my children has some learning differences and the other one has a heart condition that required open heart surgery.  There’s school and homework and doctor’s appointments and lots of “ologists”.  But in our house that’s just called life and we’re pretty good at rolling with it.

I know I’m only 42 years old, but there are days I am so bone tired I can’t even think about studying, or flight planning, or working, or reading, or functioning in what normal people like to call reality because all I am really doing is trying not to vomit.

Anyone who has had an experience of spontaneity with me has really experienced an illusion.  They will never know how much juggling or planning that spontaneous moment required.

Every time I go somewhere to study it costs me $20 for a babysitter.  Then there's the fact that I can’t do math in my head.

And flight training is expensive so there’s the guilt that I am the most selfish mother that ever lived.  I try to justify my selfishness by believing that I can parent by leading by example.  I would like to teach my children that they don't need permission to be who they really are, or do what they love.

All I know is that every morning I wake up from that dream where I am flying and everything is right in the world.  I wake up and I thank God or the Universe or my lucky stars that I am having this experience with all of the amazing people I get to hang around with!  I often say I'm the luckiest girl in town - and that's the truth and I know it!

But it has taken me a long time to get here and patience is not my best quality.

On the days that I’m really pissed with myself for taking so goddamn long to get done what a 16-year old kid can do in a six-week program, I stomp around working myself up into a tornado that starts with “I’m not having any fun” and continues on complaining that if this were a relationship I would have already left.  That I have stayed too long and that I am accepting the unacceptable.  I get a nice hot hate-on and mentally break up with everyone I know.

The crazy bitch inside my head shrieks: “If one more person says to me there will never be a perfect flight - I’m leaving!”

Then I round a corner and someone says: “Hey, we’ve all been there.  You can do it.”  And I hold on tight.

After months of flight test prep, on one of those days that I was really ready to quit-it-all, I called the Head Sky-God and scheduled some time with him to go over my PTR and told him I wanted to spend some time in the plane so I could figure out why I was such a f-up.  I needed to get it done.  I needed to move on.

Best thing I ever did.  We all know the phrase “I have control.”  Well…

After two flights with the Head Sky-God he said to me: “The next time we fly together will be for your flight test.”  I might have said: "Really? Are you sure?"  And he laughed.  At that moment a silky silver ribbon of belief slowly slithered into my chest and wrapped a soft touch around that hard part of me that had been saying: “You’re not ready.  It’s not for you.  You haven’t got it perfected.  It’s not even good enough.”

Sometimes all we need to know is
that we can do it.

I guess the problem is that I was the problem.  At some point I got in my own way.  Recently, I pointedly asked Sean if I was ready for my flight test and he said: “Yes.  You have been ready for months – but you had to finally believe you were ready.  Now you do.”  I needed to believe that I was good enough.

What have I done to, no doubt, overcompensate for my self-inflicted anxiety about taking that flight test?

I have maintained my scheduled times with my instructor; not just to fly but to do ground work and ask questions.

I have scheduled extra time with the Head Sky-God to go over my training and do ground work and ask questions.

I have scheduled some time to fly with the man I am most afraid to fly with.  He is an excellent professional instructor who teaches people to fly war birds like Nanchangs and T-28’s.  If I don’t pee my pants or become completely paralyzed when flying with him then I should be okay.

Am I still chasing the needle?  Over-correcting?  Or am I following the 5 P’s (proper preparation prevents poor performance)?

Back to that day when Sean covered the instruments and said: “Try it again.  I don’t want to see your eyes even peek at the gauges.”  I had to feel my way through.  I had to trust myself.  And it was better.  It wasn’t perfect but it was good enough.

True Story.

Ooh-oo child, things are gonna get easier… some day, yeah, we’ll get it together and we’ll get it all done.

Once You've Gone YAK You'll Never Go Back!

Let's be clear - it's a Nanchang, not a YAK.  CJ-6As
were built in the late 1950's and early 60's for the
Chinese People's Liberation Army Air Force 

“Have you ever used a parachute?”

I quickly realized this was a real question and not just fun conversation when my off-the-cuff answer didn't go over big.

The real answer was "no".

"Okay, in case of a catastrophic event...", and that's when I decided to shut up and listen.  I was, after all, about to knock something off my Bucket List.  I should probably pay attention to the man flying the plane.  The pilot in command and professional pilot, David Gagliardi, is all business even on the fun flights - safety is his number one priority.

First came the life vest, then the parachute.

"Pull on the D-ring and your parachute will deploy.  Try to land on your feet with your legs slightly bent.  You'll probably get injured but it beats the alternative."

"Headset off, canopy back, right hand on D-ring, left hand unlatches the seat belt.  Once clear of the airplane deploy the parachute.  Keep your right hand on the D-ring.  The truth is that with the canopy open, once you unlatch that seat belt you'll get sucked right out of the plane so you don't want to be flailing around looking for the D-ring."  But only in the case of catastrophic event.

Head set, canopy, D-ring, seat belt.  Head set, canopy, D-ring, seat belt.  When do I do my life vest?  I guess when I hit the water.  No.  Maybe before I hit the water would be a better idea.  Got it.

I can barely practise stalls and spins in a little Cessna without a sore jaw from clenching my back teeth - I should have been scared right?  The truth is that even though I think David's entire safety briefing will be forever tattooed on my brain, the second that propeller started to turn I was completely comfortable.  That day that seat had my name on it.  I was the happiest girl in town.

It's an interesting experience to have total trust in the person you're flying with.  Even more interesting is when the guy you're flying with is in another airplane at about your two o'clock, or eleven o'clock, or right above or below you.  When I woke up that morning, my only real plan for the day was to have lunch at the flying club.  I didn't expect to be the beneficiary of a spontaneous "YAK Flight" with "the Nanchang Guys" and never in a million years did I dream that I was about to be introduced to the fine art and incredible discipline of formation flying.

I swear I could see the smile on Mike's face.

The "Nanchang Guys" are sort of the rocks stars of the Victoria Flying Club.  They don't know it and would never admit it.  Everyone loves to watch those guys fly.  The reason I was lucky enough to have that opportunity that day was because one of the club members had asked to chat with them about an article she wanted to write for our club magazine, The Patrician.  She was feeling a little bit shy about asking them for some time but because I don't have a shy bone in my body, I brazenly asked on her behalf.  A while later when David Gagliardi and Mike Sudul announced that they had received clearance from their respective ATC's and we were on for a flight that afternoon I was completely stunned and Marie was flabbergasted!

I received another surprise at the pre-flight brief.  I learned that for some of the flight we would be flying the fighting wing formation so that I would have the opportunity to fly.  I am sure I just smiled and nodded.  I might have raised a brow, but inside my entire body went: "WHHHAAAAATT?!"  You know that dance the football guys do when they score a touchdown.  That's what I was doing in my mind.

What I learned was that fighting wing is a good way to help the wing man (woman) gain experience in formation flying.  The wing man stays within 30 to 60 degrees of the lead and mirrors the lead.

Fighting Wing Formation

Formation flying takes a great deal of concentration and practise.  Because I was a newebie, I had been so focused on flying the airplane that I forgot about flight integrity.  That is, maintaining proper relative position to the lead.  

Lucky for me I was reminded when David said: "Turn to your left.  No, your other left.  You've got to keep your eye on the lead at all times."  It's funny how I instinctively wanted to stay clear of the other plane.

After we transferred control of the plane back to David, and he was satisfied that the transfer was complete by seeing my hands in the air in his mirror, David and Mike had some fun.  And I kept my eye on them.  They were teaching me that in formation flying cockpit visibility is key.  They communicate with hand signals, head nods and wing waggles.  They flew in parade formation which is a tight formation as if the wings are welded together and the two airplanes fly as one.  It felt as close as sitting in traffic and looking at the car next to you.  I really could see the smile on Mike's face.  Marie was beaming!

Coolest Pilot Ever - David

As I watched the way these men fly I was absolutely filled with respect.  It's not just because these men were trained by former Snowbird pilots either.  Maybe it's their level of experience or their confidence, but you can see "it" in them.  Excellence.  Man, these guys are Pilots with a capital "P"!  And anyone who is a pilot knows what I am talking about.

People keep asking me what my favorite part was.  I would say that it was the Sierra Hotel break before landing but the truth is that it was all my favorite part!  My happiness could not be contained.  Before the debrief I received another surprise, because David is a Class Superstar Flight Instructor I got to log the time!  Yeah Baby!

I was so stoked that after my flight I declared to anyone who would listen in Starbucks that I was going to make a movie!  And I did - and you can watch it.  My first time ever using Windows Movie Maker.  I had so many firsts that day!

So here's to David and Leah, Mike, Ron, Chris, and Brad - the "Nanchang Guys"!  If I have missed one of that gang of do-gooders then it's because either I am really dense or I haven't met them yet, but I hope to meet them soon.  I hope there's room for one more - I've got me a new dream!

Marie and Mike
I can't wait to read Marie's Patrician article!

Looks good on me right?

Ron in Delta Lima Zulu

This plane is not a Nanchang - but
this guy flies one.